


Stop and Stare

by justrae2010



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blindness, Color Blindness, Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Spilling Shower Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justrae2010/pseuds/justrae2010
Summary: If you don't find your soulmate by twenty five, your sight suffers. Some go blurry. Some go colour blind. Some lose everything, going totally blind.After Yuuri's waning vision causes him a catastrophe at Sochi, he accidentally discovers Victor Nikiforov's secret.But maybe not all hope is lost.For the YOI Soulmates Week 2020.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 51
Kudos: 433





	Stop and Stare

“I’m sorry, mom. I messed up…”

Yuuri blinked through his tears as he hung up the phone in the bathroom stall in Sochi, hands falling numbly back to his lap. They were already shaking.

Because he’d  _ really  _ messed up.

The Grand Prix final had been bad enough. He’d flubbed every jump, had gotten an embarrassingly low score that had landed him flat on the bottom of the leader board - and right in front of Victor Nikiforov! - but even worse than that was what had happened just before he’d taken to the ice.

His vision had blacked out.

It had only been a few seconds. A few heart stopping seconds of pitch black, standing rock still and listening to the rasp of his own quickening breaths.

A few dark blinks later, the world had started to fill in again.

The ice, the lights, the crowd… it all flooded back blink by blink, colours splotching back into place and everything as it had been just moments ago. Yuuri had gasped with relief, blinking away the tears of terror in his eyes. He could see again! And just in time, just moments before he had to take the ice…

But the damage had already been done.

He was going blind.

It wasn’t rare, but it wasn’t common either. Yuuri had heard it could happen. Most people just lost their colour if they didn’t find their soulmate by twenty five, some getting badly blurred vision, and some really lucky people didn’t lose anything at all, but some - precious few in the whole world - went blind without their soulmate.

And now it was happening to Yuuri.

He should have known it would happen to him. When he’d first needed glasses at just five when his sight had started to deteriorate, he should have known that it would only get worse.

But this badly worse?

He hadn’t been ready for that…

He let the tears fall, hands coming up to his face as he watched the droplets shine and splash down on his black leggings. He wasn’t sure how much longer he had left. He had to savour every sight that he could.

* * *

He was still crying as he trudged into the venue’s locker room, texting Celestino to go back onto the hotel without him. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss his red eyes and he wasn’t ready to admit the reason for them. Not aloud. Not yet.

That would make it all too real.

He wouldn’t be able to skate if he was blind. If he lost his sight, he’d lose everything. He wouldn’t be able to skate again, he wouldn’t be able to stay in America. He’d have to go back home, back to his parents inn in Hasetsu. He wouldn’t be able to cope without them, needing the help to guide him through his new sightless life. He would be such a burden.

His mother would be devastated...

That was what hurt the most.

His parents were soul mates, finding each other as high school sweethearts and never looking back. Even his sister Mari had managed to find hers, as cool and distant towards people as she was. His best friends Yuuko and Takeshi had managed to find each other too.

It was just Yuuri that would be alone.

After all, he’d have absolutely no hope of finding his soul mate if he went blind. It would all be over, forever.

He tried to push it out of his mind as he stripped off his sweaty clothes and dug out his towel and shower gel from his locker, sniffling back the last of his tears. He needed a shower. A nice hot shower to wash everything away and-

_ Thud. _

"Ow!”

Yuuri froze, sucking in a sharp breath.

It had come from the showers.

He turned his head slowly, following the sound and the billowing steamy from the shower cubicles. One in the middle. Yuuri could see pale limbs beneath the cubicle wall the closer he got, fallen helplessly on the floor. They weren’t moving. 

“Hello?” he called, speaking over the rush of the shower. “Hello, a-are you okay in there?”

“Uhn…”

Beneath the cubicle wall, the limbs twitched. 

Yuuri panicked. He wasn’t sure what to do. Whoever was inside clearly wasn’t okay - but Yuuri was in a  _ towel  _ and he couldn’t go and get changed before he went to get help, even though he didn’t know what to tell anybody who could help because he didn’t know who was inside or if he should even really leave them if they were actually hurt, but-

Yuuri pressed his hands against the door, pressing his eyes shut against the mania in his head. To his surprise, it opened a touch. They hadn’t locked it…

He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to come in.”

He felt like a peeping tom as he eased the door open, stopping when he felt the door brace against the body on the other side and slipping in through the little gap he’d managed to wedge open. He tried to keep his eyes up. Whoever was in there was naked, and vulnerable, and-

-was Victor Nikiforov.

Yuuri noticed the silver hair in a heartbeat, being rubbed by tentative fingers on the side of his head, expression twisted in a wince. He was easing himself up against the back of the cubicle, spare hand slapping against the shower wall.

He was still getting wet.

_ Right _ .

Yuuri reached over and shut the water off, unable to do anything but just… stare at Victor Nikiforov slumped in a shower. He was conscious at least, rubbing the last of the water out of his eyes, looking up, and-

Yuuri gasped.

“Y-you…” he could barely believe his eyes, his eyes blinking wide with shock. “You’re blind...”

There was no question.

Victor’s usually bright blue eyes were clouded and vacant, staring up at the world but not seeing anything. There was nothing.

Yuuri didn’t understand.

He turned back to the door. “I’ll go find somebody-”

“No, wait!”

Yuuri squeaked as Victor grabbed him - or rather, his towel - scrambling to catch it before Victor pulled it right off his hips entirely. In that moment, a part of him was glad that Victor couldn’t see…

The moment he turned back though, it all evaporated. Victor’s sightless eyes were wide, his face pale. His knuckles were white where they clenched around Yuuri’s towel.

“P-please,” Victor stammered. “Please don’t leave me.”

Yuuri couldn’t stop staring.

Victor Nikiforov was blind. Multiple world champion and five time Grand Prix winner and he was blind.

_ How? _

He didn’t look like a champion now though. Now, he looked small, and scared, and Yuuri remembered the plunging blackness from earlier, how terrified he had been...

“Okay,” he breathed, heart racing in his chest. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Yuuri felt like he was made of wood as he closed the cubicle door over again and sat down next to Victor, careful not to touch him. If he couldn’t see, then an unexpected touch would surely be an unwelcome surprise. The wet floor drenched the bottom of Yuuri’s towel, but he didn’t dare move, finding a spot on the door latch and staring at it intently.

“You’re not going to ask?”

It was so quiet that Yuuri almost hadn’t heard it, turning his head out of instinct and jerking himself away at the last moment when he remembered that Victor was still naked. He swallowed thickly. “Ask what?”

“About my soulmate.”

Yuuri wanted to ask. He wanted to ask so badly...

...but Victor didn’t sound like he wanted to talk about it.

He should ask if Victor was hurt instead, he told himself. He hadn’t seen any blood and Victor was moving and talking, but he still must have hit his head on the wall and should-

“I thought you had one,” was all that slipped out instead, voice just as quiet and despondent as Victor’s.

Everybody had. Victor had never been anything but normal even if he hadn’t introduced his soulmate to the world, so everybody had just assumed… it wouldn’t be hard for Victor to find a soulmate. It shouldn’t be. He was beautiful, he was the top of the skating world - he had everything! Victor shouldn’t be alone. He shouldn’t be…

But if he was, then what hope did Yuuri have?

The thought sent his heart plummeting to his stomach like a stone in water, a sob bubbling up to his lips. He slapped his hand over his mouth - but he was too late.

“Are you okay?” Victor asked, frowning as his head tipped in Yuuri’s direction.

Yuuri sucked in a few deep breaths, fighting to keep them level. He didn’t do a good job… “W-when did it-”

“Twenty four.”

Yuuri’s breath hitched.

_ Twenty four!  _ It was supposed to be twenty five, not twenty four. He was supposed to have longer! Now he didn’t even have a full year left…

His head thumped back against the shower wall, feeling dizzy. In less than a year, he’d be blind.

“I-” his voice sounded strangled. “I-I think it’s happening to me too.”

Now, it felt real. Now, it felt very, very real.

And Yuuri didn’t fight the hot tears as they rolled down his cheeks, swallowing his gasps as quietly as he could. What did it matter? Nobody was there to actually see him…

Victor hadn’t seen anything for three years.

Yuuri simply couldn’t imagine it.

He guessed that was why Victor always wore sunglasses, even indoors. Everyone just thought that he was an airhead, but now it made sense... 

“Get a dog.”

Yuuri blinked, frowning through his tears. “W-what?” Had he heard that right?

“Get a dog,” Victor just said again, nodding firmly to himself. “You won’t regret it. I usually have Yura or Makkachin to help me. It helps.”

Yuuri felt like an idiot for not noticing before. Victor always took his dog everywhere, even away on competitions.  _ Always _ .

She was his  _ guide _ dog.

Yuuri hadn’t seen her around this time though…

“Stupid mix up with the paperwork,” Victor sniffed quietly, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, hiding himself. “She couldn’t come - to Sochi of all places! I’ve taken her all over the world, but it’s in Russia that it screws up!”

Victor buried his face in his hands, fingers raking through his silver hair. He groaned into his palms.

Yuuri couldn’t help but think that Victor looked impossibly sad for someone who had just won a gold medal...

“How do you do it?” he heard himself ask. “How do you skate when you’re-”

He couldn’t say it again. He couldn’t say the word, flinching just thinking about it.  _ Too real. _

Victor ran his hands down his face, vacant eyes staring dully at the cubicle door ahead. “Practise,” he said simply. “I was lucky. I’d already learned most of my elements before it started happening so muscle memory helped a lot. I knew that once I lost it I wouldn’t be able to learn anything new...so I crammed in as many jumps as I could before I lost it. I just…” He shook his head, his empty eyes shimmering. Yuuri didn’t miss the crack in his voice. “I didn't want to stop.”

If Yuuri didn’t feel bad before, he certainly did then. He felt like a terrible human being.

Victor had found out he was going blind and he’d worked as hard as he could to achieve as much as he could with the time he’d had left. He’d managed to keep competing even after it had happened because of it, fooling everyone…

...while Yuuri had just sat and cried, wallowing in self pity. 

He’d already given up.

“I don’t think I’d even be able to find my way off the ice,” Yuuri said bitterly, fingers finding the hem of his towel and twisting distractedly. “I don’t know how you do it…”

Victor chuckled sourly. “Yakov. There’s a reason he’s always screaming at me before I’ve even stepped off the ice.”

_ So Victor could hear where he was _ , Yuuri pieced together,  _ so he could hear where the exit was with him _ . Now that he thought of it, Yakov did grab Victor sometimes when he came off the ice. Pulled him by the sleeve to the gap in the barrier, looking rough and manhandling, but Victor had always just laughed and thrown an arm around his shoulders…

Yuuri sighed, breathlessly impressed.

Victor had done it.

He’d fooled the world.

“But I’ve  _ seen  _ you,” Yuuri still pressed, still wrapping his head around how Victor could have possibly gotten away with it. “Your eyes - I’ve seen them! Interviews and posters-”

“Colour contacts.”

Yuuri slumped back.  _ Something so simple… _

“I keep hoping that one day...one day, I’ll find them. If I meet enough fans, go to enough places… they have to be somewhere.”

Yuuri didn’t say anything. He’d never made much of an effort to find his soulmate, content with losing his colour or living with his glasses. He’d never imagined it would get so bad. It served him right for being so selfish…

“It’s not that common, you know,” Victor suddenly said, sounding vulnerable. His face tilted in Yuuri’s direction. “Do you think… maybe we…”

Victor was looking almost right at him, with an open expression and lips parted, so soft and so kissable that Yuuri’s heart strings ached to pull him forward to taste them. He couldn’t though. Not like that. If by some miracle he was Victor’s soulmate, he didn’t want to find out with Victor thinking he was some kind of kissophile or-

Victor held up his palm.

_ Oh. _

“S-sure.”

Yuuri’s heart was rabbiting in his chest as he raised his hand, trying to ignore the way it trembled slightly. He hoped Victor didn’t notice his sweaty palm, as he slowly closed the distance, skin getting closer and closer, until in one magical moment Yuuri  _ touched  _ Victor Nikiforov’s hand and-

Nothing happened.

Victor’s palm was cool against Yuuri’s, but his eyes stayed dull as their hands pressed together, holding on for one more hopeful beat…

There was no change though. The world didn’t burst into colourful clarity around them. There was no gasp as Victor’s sight was restored. Nothing had changed, Victor’s eyes just as blank as before. 

“No,” Yuuri breathed.

His heart plummeted in his chest, a sick feeling that he couldn’t quite describe twisting his stomach. A part of him - a small, foolish part - had really wanted to be the one...

Victor’s shoulders slumped. “Oh well,” he sighed, pulling his hand away. Yuuri fought the urge to whine in protest. “A shame.” A small smile flickered over Victor’s lips. “You seem nice.”

_ Nice _ .

Even if Yuuri went blind and lost his skating career forever, he would cling to this one abysmal event in his memories - because he’d touched Victor’s hand and Victor had thought that he was nice. Even if Yuuri ended up blind and alone, it was a good memory to console himself with. 

“What’s your name?”

Yuuri let his gaze fall down to his knees. He had bruises forming, a beautiful mash of grey and purple. “Yuuri. Yuuri Katsuki.” 

“Yuuri…” Victor’s head tilted back against the shower tiles. Another smile curved his lips. “I like your step sequences.”

Yuuri’s head snapped up so fast his neck clicked. “H-how can you tell?”

There was no way that Victor had seen Yuuri’s skating before he’d gone blind. Simply no way. Yuuri hadn’t been good enough, hadn’t been anywhere near Victor’s league. Unless Victor had been watching him somehow, perhaps seeing something in him that he didn’t even see in himself...

Victor just laughed though, the sound soft and melodic as music. “They just sound nice.”

Yuuri deflated.

_ Oh well,  _ he consoled himself silently. It was better than nothing. Victor knew who he was. He liked his skating - even just for the way it sounded. He guessed that elements and step sequences meant more to Victor than jumps, with their higher ice contact. Jumps only had take off and landing, silence between. Victor must be able to visualise only so much from precious little.

Yuuri’s step sequences though…

He brushed the last of the tears off his face, pulling his knees up. He shifted his weight forward.

“Come on,” he said softly, pushing himself carefully to his feet. “It’s time to get you up.”

* * *

Yuuri helped pull Victor to his feet and balance him into a pair of sweatpants before he finally went to get help. Victor hadn’t asked - for help or the sweatpants. Victor had no shame standing there in all his glory while Yuuri had scrambled quickly into some clothes of his own to help his own insecurities. He guessed that the vulnerable feeling of being exposed wasn’t anything new for Victor. He must always feel like that beneath the surface without his sight, always vulnerable, always exposed.

The first aider didn’t seem hugely concerned when he saw Victor. There was a barely noticeable bump on the side of his head, but nothing more - no blood, no dizziness. Victor had just laughed, saying he was fine.

It took threatening to call Yakov to convince him to go to the medical room and get a formal check-up.

Yuuri let him go, sending him off with a wave that he knew Victor couldn’t see but that made him feel better anyway. He felt lighter. He’d met Victor Nikiforov during the worst moment of his life and somehow -  _ somehow! - _ it hadn’t been a total disaster. Quite the contrary! A part of Yuuri felt honored - he knew Victor’s secret. He knew Victor better than the world did. He-

It was only when Yuuri opened his locker that he noticed that his usually blue bag was now grey.

His heart stopped.

* * *

Victor rubbed his eyes instinctively when he woke up in the middle of his flight a few days later, digging the sleep out of the corner of his eyes and rubbing so hard that spots of grey popped through the blackness behind his eyelids. He didn’t pay it much mind as he settled himself back in his seat for another doze. The grey always faded.

Except this time when they touched down in St Petersburg hours later, it still hadn’t.

* * *

Bad got worse.

Yuuri’s colour thankfully popped back after a long sleep after the banquet at Sochi, but that was where his luck ended. 

Nationals went disastrously. 

Four Continents and Worlds didn’t even happen.

It wasn’t how Yuuri had wanted to spend his last skating season before he lost his sight.

By March, the tiny spark of motivation that Victor had managed to stir up inside him had withered and died. So Yuuri thanked Celestino for his time and flew back to Hasetsu, accepting his fate and waiting for when the world would go dark.

* * *

Victor saw the spring in with a new medal and for the first time in years, he actually  _ saw _ it. 

Kind of. 

He hadn't been able to stop staring at the lump of blurry gold in his palm, teary eyed and breathless. 

It had been so long since he'd been able to stare at anything… 

It wasn't perfect. 

He couldn't even see the writing etched into the medal let alone make out the words, couldn't tell what the engraving looked like or where the medal ended and his palm began… but he could see  _ something,  _ even if it was just a haphazard hash of gold.

And for Victor that was worth more than all the gold medals in the world. 

* * *

Yuuri finally picked up the will to drag himself to the rink after a short while of wallowing before he missed skating too much, itching to get back on the ice. He would miss it when it was gone. Perhaps he could still skate to some degree, Yuuko’s daughters holding his hand and guiding him in slow laps like an old man when he eventually lost his sight.

It would be hard, but it would be better than nothing. Yuuri couldn’t think of anything worse than never setting foot on the ice again…

He didn’t feel like skating his own programs. 

They held too many bitter memories, wanting to forget them as soon as possible rather than relive them. He wanted to skate something that he  _ loved. _

That was how he found himself skating Victor’s Stammi Vicino, remembering how it had made him feel the first time he’d seen it on the ice and how much  _ more  _ it had made him feel after he’d found out Victor’s secret. He’d always admired Victor, always known he was great - but ever since Yuuri had found out about his blindness he’d found an entirely new level of awe for the skater. It was incredible, all the things he had done. Simply incredible.

Yuuri wished that he could be like him.

He threw every ounce of his sadness and fear into his skating, feeling the terror for his future like an ever present humming through his veins.

One day it would all be over…

It still weighed on him even as he left the rink, feeling somehow even heavier than when he’d arrived. He’d thought skating would help.

Turned out, it just reminded him of how much he had to lose.

"Yuuri!" 

Yuuri paused at the foot of the steps of the Ice Castle, Yuuko running out the front doors towards him. Her hand waved in the air, something in her fingers glinting in the sunlight.

"You forgot your glasses!" 

Yuuri frowned, reaching up to his face.  _ No, he hadn- _

His fingers touched his nose, glasses not where he'd thought they'd be. 

He hadn't noticed. 

He hadn’t needed them.

* * *

Victor celebrated getting his sight back with an iPhone - an  _ actual  _ one, not the fake one he'd had for show. A phone where he didn't need to feel the keys to know what he was pressing anymore, where he could use the touch screen, and take pictures and watch videos like a normal person would. 

That was what he was doing as he browsed through YouTube on his couch one lazy afternoon. He needed to refamiliarise himself. Everything had all changed so much in just a few short years.

There were so many things he'd missed out on…

He was glad this wasn't one of them though, he thought, as he found a video of a cute Japanese boy skating his Stammi Vicino skate. 

Because it was good. Really good. Only it wasn't just  _ good -  _ it was soulful. Open, honest, lonely… exactly like the skate was supposed to be when Victor had pulled it together from a dark place that he would never admit to. Victor frowned though as he watched, mouth thinning into a tight line. It hurt to watch. 

Was that…was that how  _ he _ had looked when he'd skated it too? The thought was unsettling. 

He didn’t get tired of watching the boy on the screen though. The cute boy with chubby cheeks and a mournful, longing expression as he skated. Victor longed to know what he was thinking about.

He wanted to see more of him.

He glanced back to the title of the video, looking for a name for his unknown beauty who just seemed to  _ get it _ and-

_ Yuuri Katsuki. _

Victor knew that name.

He gasped as he remembered, that day where he’d fallen in the showers hitting him hard. That boy had been called Yuuri Katsuki.

Victor held his breath as he glanced back down to the screen, drinking in every detail that he could see. He’d wondered what Yuuri had looked like. Now he knew, scouring over the messy black hair, plump figure, and soft brown eyes like a man starved.

His heart skipped a beat.

Because he  _ knew _ . 

Deep down in his gut, he just knew. 

He packed his bags that night.

* * *

Yuuri wallowed more than ever after the video went viral, locking himself away in his room and refusing to look at his phone. 

He was mad at himself. 

Mad that he was letting a stupid video ruin his last months of sight. He should be out, seeing as much as he could, seeing as many people as he could while he still could - but instead, he was hiding. He was wasting his time. 

It hadn't gotten worse yet. If anything Yuuri would have said it had gotten better somehow! His glasses stayed on his bedside table most days now rather than on his face, but he guessed he wouldn't really need glasses around his home anyway. He knew the place like the back of his hand. 

He didn't dare get his hopes up though. For all he knew maybe that was how it happened. Maybe everything got clearer and brighter and then -  _ poof _ ! Gone. Or maybe he was only noticing now because he was looking for it.

He had no idea, too frightened to linger on it.

When his mother finally convinced him to come out and help with the snow, a part of him was glad. He wasn't sure if he'd have gotten to see snow again otherwise.

He threw on some actual clothes and pushed his glasses on his face more for nostalgia than actual need. He had a feeling he would miss them when he lost his sight, savouring the weight of them on the bridge of his nose even if he had to look underneath the lenses to avoid hurting his eyes.

That was why it took him an extra second to register the brown blob against the white snow when he opened the door, shovel barely in hand.

He froze, gaze sharpening slowly.

_ A poodle. _

Tail wagging in the snow and tongue lolling adorably, fur thick brown curls that looked oh-so soft… and then they leapt on Yuuri with an excited yip and - yes, they were soft. Yuuri’s fingers buried in them as he was bowled over, not minding one whit as a warm tongue lapped over his face, chuckles bubbling in his chest.

“Sweet, isn’t he?”

Yuuri’s father said from behind him, Yuuri glancing back over his shoulder to see him. “He came with a really good looking foreign guest.”

It took the words a second to register.

But when they did, Yuuri’s blood turned to ice. He turned back to the poodle. Suddenly, those brown curls were all too familiar. He  _ knew _ that dog...

_ It couldn’t be... _

“He’s in the hot springs right now.”

Yuuri snapped.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest as he all but tripped over himself, scrambling back through the onsen and not daring to stop even as things crashed down in his wake. He couldn’t stop. If he stopped, he’d lose his nerve. And if he lost his nerve then-

He threw the doors to the hotspring open.

“Victor…”

It took a second to see him through the steam - all pale limbs and silver hair through the wispy tendrils, stood confidently in the middle of the water in all his glory.

Yuuri could feel his jaw drop, shocked.

Then, he  _ saw _ . “Y-your eyes…”

Bright, bright blue stared back at him across the pool, piercing and perfect, crinkled in the corners with Victor’s glorious smile - and  _ impossible _ ! They were nothing like the dead eyes that Yuuri had seen in the shower in Sochi...

A lump caught in his throat.

“Colour contacts?”

It came out as a squeak, the blood pounding nervously in his ears the longer he stared. Steam fogged up his glasses. Finally, he yanked them off, not caring as they clattered down to the stone floor. 

The world was so much clearer without them.

So he got to watch Victor wade through the water with an impossible grace as he held his eye, water parting blissfully around his thighs and-

_ Yuuri couldn’t stop staring. _

Victor was no different. Yuuri didn’t miss the way his eyes dipped low, slowly sweeping the length of his body as he stepped out of the water until he met Yuuri’s gaze again. Like he was  _ looking,  _ like he was really  _ seeing… _

His breath hitched when Victor touched his hand, delicately tangling their fingers together at Yuuri’s side.  _ Deliberately _ . 

Victor shook his head to Yuuri’s almost forgotten question, his eyes shining. A glorious smile stretched over his face. 

“It just took time.”


End file.
